i guess this 14th of february is gonna be a non-issue, just like the other seemingly big days in other people's lives.

there's the birthday...the various celebratory holidays...then the anniversaries.

i do not celebrate any of these purely because there's nothing to celebrate.

i'm one of those people who feel extremely low when other people jump for joy when christmas comes by.

never in my life have i ever received, nor given a valentine. so hell...i shouldn't even be contemplating anything this year. oh, by the way, i was disappointed again. it felt painful for a while, then i chided myself...managed to keep from feeling stupidly weak.

i've decided. no matter how badly i had hoped to go for that concert with someone, i think i'll go alone. if not for the concert, at least for a walk down the waterfront. i need to remind myself how stupid it is to feel so victimized. i need to be able to walk with my head held high in the sea of cookie-cutter models.

i need to be strong. i need to be.

but if all those dates are non-issues, why am i ranting about them all the time?

and why do i cry whenever they swing by?