pride is the name of the game.

it's a constant struggle of "should i lay down my pride this time" because there are simply no guarantees to a happy ending.

it's like the tango.

when two tango, they move as one. he's forceful, she follows. she radiates sensuality, he takes it all in...it gives him the strength to lead. it's a symbiotic relationship. and time seems to stand still.

after the music ends, they part...until their next tango.

figuring out a faux-relationship is somewhat similar.

each will feel that he's giving more than the other...at the same time thinking that holding back is the best defence against a broken heart.

but as two people move forward in a seeming relationship, no matter how non-existent they make it out to be, is it even possible to "hold back"? wouldn't the acts of giving and sharing each other be a natural progression?

i always thought i could keep it all in. i thought wrong.

one thing that remains constant though - i'm not a subservient being. i will not follow blindly and offer myself to you. i will not be a slave to love.

i am not in love. i may be in like, but am certainly not in love.

jaded as i may be, i'm hopeful enough to want to fall in love someday. but, like i said, love will not enslave me.

i have my pride.

and if, after reading all this, you still do not realize how much i've laid down...

alas. pain.